I am certainly one of those and am on a long ass journey to unpacking that baggage, the problem we have is that depending on how long or hard that damage was, the more time you will take to heal. Being one of the people that bottle things up until they explode, I know just how detrimental these actions can be to our well-being and mental state. So learning to talk more when I have an issue is something that has become very apparent.
Why? It can be very easy to pretend that your baggage doesn't exist, to hide it away. Life becomes much easier if we lock it away in a secret little corner of our minds, the thing is much like physical clutter and baggage. Things start to spill over and fall out, revealing themselves every now and again. For me, I have found that since speaking to my close family and friends I have started to feel lighter and better in myself. It's true that, yes your problems won't all be solved, however, not letting everything pile up and keeping it to yourself, does truly help.
Everyone is different and their baggage will stem from so many different events, most of them being from childhood, yes I know that is a cliche but it is true. So it would stand to reason that you will have been holding onto this for a very long time, letting it define and shape you, without even knowing it. Facing it, unloading and moving on are three very important steps that need to be taken and done with support. Currently, I am only at the First Stage, having only just realised that I am in a place where I need help and need to face my demons.
That's not to say I actually know what those demons are, the thing is, you could very well go in with your eyes open thinking you are feeling one way because of one thing. Only to find that it is all to do with another. After speaking to a few friends I have come to realise that I actually have NO memories of my childhood, literally nothing from a baby to a few years back. Zip.. Nothing, which is actually quite disturbing when you think about it. I only know what people tell me, and even then, how do I know if it's true?
If unlike me you can actually remember things and can start your journey to let go, possibly with or without the help of a counselor then perhaps you might want to look at the following aspects to help you move on.
Are you holding onto any Guilt? Is there anything in your past that you are holding onto because you're ashamed or feeling guilty about? Is there actually anything you can do about it? If there is then make it right as best you can, then forgive yourself. If not, ask yourself this. Is there a time machine?
NO. Will you do it again? Will you take the lessons you learned to make better choices next time? Okay, well forgive yourself. There is no point in basically giving yourself a self-grudge.
Another big thing to consider is if you're holding onto any longstanding grudges? I know better than anyone how hurt and just outright raged I have been due to the actions of others, it is/ has been completely incomprehensible to even consider forgiving let alone forgetting. Yes, you may very well be 100% completely justified in feeling how you do, but it's never going to get you the apology you're looking for or the validation.
Just think about how long you have held these feeling for, if the other person/s didn't own up or agree back then, what's going to change now? Nothing, so why not just lighten your load by moving on. Forgive and forget, believe you me I know it is far easier said than done, especially when they randomly pop up or something. Trust me though, it will be much easier to move on and walk past if you have learned to just drop it.
Finally Fear. Although this is something that should be fairly normal to us, it can also be fairly detrimental if it becomes out of hand. Again this is something that I know all too well, having been in a fairly emotionally abusive relationship in the past, it has taken me a very long time to not be scared of ever bumping into him.
Even last year, I thought he had found out where I live now. It took me about 10 cigarettes and 2 long walks with the dog to calm me down. Needless to say, he either doesn't know or hasn't come back. At the end of the day, what can I actually do about it? Not much, other than not answer or ask him to leave. So I have learned to keep calm and not be fearful of him, he can't do anything to me now, so why let whoever or whatever have that hold over you?
Hopefully, this post will help you to take a look at where you're at and seek help if you truly need it.
Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.
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