The Problem with Mental Health

So here's the problem with mental health, depression and/ or anxiety, those that suffer from it are trying to navigate and understand their feelings and thoughts. Those around them don't necessarily understand what it is that they are going through or what it all means, let alone the people that have nothing to do with any of it. 

The point I am trying to make is that the biggest problem here is UNDERSTANDING. A lot of that comes down to communication as well, but as much as we like to pretend we are good at that, we as the human race aren't.

Whilst those that are suffering are trying to figure out how to deal with what is going on in their own heads and work out how best to explain it to their loved ones. Those around them with their judgmental thoughts and words of 'wisdom' generally do not help and make the situation worse.

Since coming clean about how I have been feeling and have been suffering, I have had endless comments from good advice to the general just pull yourself together and the past is in the past, so just forget about it. These type of comments obviously do not do any good, the thing is if it was that easy to just forget then I wouldn't be in the position I am in now, would I?

A lot of the time we put a fake smile on our faces, masks, and facades that allude everyone into thinking we are all good. That there is nothing wrong at all, when deep inside we are screaming, crying or in pain whatever it may be, but we just don't scream about it every single day. For that reason, people forget that shit is still ongoing, so they forget that we need help and support. Move on and look past us, until something drastic happens that makes them realise just how desperate we really are or it may just be too late for some sadly.

That's the cold hard truth, unless you have caused yourself harm, tried to kill yourself or successfully done so no one takes notice. No one takes it seriously, thinking it's just a bad mood or phase that will pass. That it's just someone jumping on the band-wagon to get attention, I know this may sound harsh but I have always been of the opinion that if someone wants to end it. They will just do it, they won't contact anyone to be stopped, you won't be able to change their mind. The point here is that those are the type of people to be concerned about, the ones that contemplate it in silence, that carry on as if life is normal all the time dying inside every day.

We don't think it's selfish, we don't think we are alone for no reason, we don't think we are worthless for the sake of it, remember that. There is a reason for it all, whilst we may not know the true root cause for these thoughts and feelings, having those around you not taking the time to care or understand sure does amplify those thoughts.

If you have anyone in your life that may have distanced themselves or has shown any sign of being distressed then please take the time to pop round for a cuppa, have a chat give them a call. It will make the world of difference to keep up communication and to try and understand what they are going through.

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

My Septum Piercing

Ever since I started debating getting my septum pierced back in December last year, I have been stalking the look on Pinterest with awe. I think that most people associate the whole idea with a grungy, emo or just bad vibe not really giving it the appreciation it deserves.  

There are so many beautiful women out there with their septum pierced that honestly, I don't see what the fuss is all about. I must admit I was still hesitant until this new snapchat filter came out, that gave you a septum piercing. I know that sounds a little trivial, but it was able to give me an insight into what it would look like and I loved it! I wasn't the only one, a couple of my friends agreed that it suited me, so yes that gave me the final push to say 'fuck it' and get it done!

That being said I can not stress enough, how important it is to research your piercer. Especially for this type of piercing, the last thing you want is for it to go terribly wrong. I found Factotum in Norwich, who have many years of experience and were able to give me the look I wanted. (I didn't want the horseshoe ring).

I haven't had it in for very long, however, can confidently say that so far I have had no issues and no pain. Except for when I accidentally banged it, don't do that, trust me you'll want to cry. If the septum is pierced correctly in what is known as the 'sweet spot' then you shouldn't feel much or any pain when it's being done. I found it to be a weird sensation that made my eyes water tremendously.

That is a fairly normal reaction to someone putting a needle through your nose though, anything to do with that area will make your eyes water naturally. Whilst I was advised to leave it alone, it did become stiff and hard to manoeuver, plus when I had banged it, my nose was so sore I needed some relief. Following instructions online, I have since started cleaning my septum with cooled boiling water and salt. you essentially dip your nose into a cup full of the salt water mixture and allow it to soak for 5-10 minutes at a time.

The best way to help clean the septum is to use cotton buds, with these combined you will feel complete relief and know that it is completely clean.

I am in love with my Spetum and I hope you are too, let me know if there is anything you want to know?

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

An Open Letter to a Lost Friend

To my Lost Chicken Nugget,

Though our times together may have not always been the best, they were memories and treasured nonetheless.

They say time can heal all wounds, yet my sorrow and grief over the loss of our friendship, which to me at times was as close as sisters, is unwavering. Hitting me hard at times when I hear news of good or bad fortune.

Seeing you happy and growing your family is such a wonderful thing, and I honestly couldn't be happier for you. I only wish you all the best.

Yet, if it wasn't for that stupid fight, which could have been resolved long ago, just by talking it out. We may not be here, standing on opposed sides. So I will say it again, I am so sorry for my part in it.
My intentions were always sincere, never to hurt or cause distrust. Had I known how you were feeling I would have spoken to you, but how was I to know when I hadn't changed our dynamic? It was always the three of us, acting a certain way, so how was I to know it had changed and I was doing wrong? All I am asking for is understanding in my part, I am not making excuses at all.

I miss you, your son and us. I know that may sound selfish and I suppose it is, but how else are you supposed to express how you feel about losing a 10+ year friendship.

My life had started to fall apart before that day and has been sinking deeper into a black hole ever since.

I only wish you knew how much I truly love and miss you. How truly loyal I am to you and always will be. That there was something I could do to change things, we have come together before, perhaps we can again.

My Love Always 

Kimberlimbs 

xxx

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

Me, Myself & Suicide

I know the title may seem a little controversial and not within my usual remit, but this has been a long time coming and having now finally told my Nan how I am feeling, I am finally able to open up. Saying that I have probably already re-written this sentence about 5 times, I guess I don't really know how to start or introduce this subject.

I just want to start by saying I have spoken to those close to me, I am currently in counseling and I am in no way crying wolf, calling for help or anything like that. I suppose I just want to release what is in my head and hopefully it may help someone in a similar position seek help.

It is no secret that I have been struggling mentally, feeling low is an understatement, but what people have been unaware of is just how far I have fallen. Letting things spin out of control, to the point where I have considered the worst on more than one occasion.

Considering ending it all, is not something to take lightly and should never be ignored, though I understand that some people may use it as a way to get attention. For me, I have had several thoughts this year alone and a few more in the past few years. Which no one has ever had an inkling about, because that is how I wanted it to be. Not for shame, but because I didn't want to hurt anyone.

In my head, no one is there other than my Nan and my Dog. Sad as that may sound and as much as I try to fight the feeling that it isn't true, that is where my head goes, so when I have got to the point of wanting to kill myself. The only things stopping me are my Nan and Harley, yes I could kill Harley before myself, but how can I? I told you I have thought this through...

Having got pretty close a couple of months ago, driving down a road at speed with lots of huge trees, with Harley in the back. Thinking about how alone I was, with no support and how easy it would be to unclip both of our seatbelts and drive straight into one of those trees, well I decided it was time to get help.

I have now started counseling which thus far has helped me in ways I never thought about, making me acknowledge the fact that I dissociate myself mentally from pretty much any situation that could cause me any harm. That has subsequently left me in a state where I am very unfeeling, having not felt any true emotion for years because it is much easier to block yourself from any feeling than to open yourself up to potential hurt.

Looking back at the last few years and my childhood, which I cannot remember (other than maybe 10 memories), it is no wonder I am where I am. From my upbringing, boyfriends, school, and friendships I have constantly been let down in every single area.

I have never really had a father figure in my life, other than my Grandad, even that I cannot remember and to be honest that saddens me greatly. Especially now he is gone, I cannot reminisce about the times we had. My relationship with my Mum hasn't always been the best, but hopefully, over time and with my ongoing sessions we can work on our relationship.

Being bullied right the way through school certainly wasn't any fun and didn't help with my self-esteem. Becoming despondent and angry at such a young age, probably added to the events that followed. Where I constantly strived for approval, as you get older, you change in shape and appearance.

So when I left school and started my apprenticeship, I never imagined I would get the attention I did. Looking back now I realise that it was extremely wrong, almost grooming and sexual assault. Getting attention at college was one thing, but being told to wear specific items of clothing to work and come in at specific times is completely another. Luckily it never got to an actual sexual relationship, however, there were acts in between. There's not much I can do now, other than try to move on and get better.

My actual relationships have been mostly abusive ones, from my first pouring boiling water on my head, to my last emotionally manipulating me. That's not saying I have never been in the wrong at all, because I have, we all have, but I never deserved that.

Then there come the friends in your life, I have lost at least one very important person this year and though I will never know if we will ever see eye to eye again. I am left with this feeling of guilt. I don't know why, because the thing is friends come and go. This may sound harsh, but this is how I feel, people say they will be there, that you can call, you can message whenever. The thing is, they never really are, I can go weeks without hearing from some people and why should it be me asking for help?

If you know where my head is at, that I am sitting on the edge of a cliff ready to dive, why should I be the one to call you and ask you to stop me? Anyone that knows me well, will know if I want to do something I won't ask, I won't call for help, I will just do it.

I hope that this will help to raise the awareness of mental health and bring about discussions in peoples lives. One thing sufferers need to be aware of is that there is no shame in feeling the way that you do, and although not everyone will fully understand what you're going through, true friends and family will do their best too.

Going forward I will continue to update you guys on my journey because I do think it is important to realise we are all human, who suffer in different ways. Hopefully continuing with counseling and talking openly will help me to become a brighter me again.

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

Meeting an Instagram Idol.. Not all it's Cracked Up To Be!

In the blogging industry you would expect everyone to be friendly, welcoming and generally supportive of one another; well that's what I thought anyway. I guess I was just being naive and living a little dreamland because that is not how my experiences have gone.

The thing is I often read so many Bloggers/ Instagrammers/ Influencers write about how we should all empower each other and show support, never being negative to each other, but they don't seem to do as they preach! If I had someone come up to me at an opening event and tell me how amazing I was, that their feed is inspiring, I would be in awe, to say the least. I would not ignore them, look at them blankly and walk away! 

Not only is it point blank rude, but it says a lot about them as a person! You question how genuine their feed actually is, and others because it is so easy for people to portray such a wonderful kind nature. When in reality you are actually a stuck up bitch, that doesn't have the time for low insignificant bloggers such as myself.

To be perfectly honest, this isn't the only time that myself and a fellow blogger have felt snubbed. Having attended a couple of Norwich Blogger events, meeting a few bloggers you would have thought it would have been nice, however, it was all very clicky!

Much like girls can be I guess, the thing is you then get cast out and uninvited to future events, purely because these people can't be asked to give you the time of day to actually get to know you. They prefer to look down their nose at you like you're some sort of potential threat or funny joke.

It really does make you laugh how high school dramas can replicate themselves in adult life, if only we actually read what we wrote and listened to our own words. Perhaps even had the actions we dish out, performed on us, then we wouldn't be so mindless to others feelings.

Shirt/ Dress: F&F Fashion
Shoes: Miss Selfridge
Bag: Olympus 

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

The Ivy Norwich Brasserie Launch Party*

I was lucky enough to attend a Launch Party for The Ivy Norwich Brasserie, which officially opens on the 21st August 2018. Now I have to admit, I had never heard of the Ivy branches before, after doing some research and getting some very jealous comments from my mother, I couldn't believe I had never heard about them before now!

On entry we were offered a glass of bubbly or freshly squeezed orange juice, seeing as I was driving I had to opt for the later. The staff was extremely accommodating and friendly, I haven't been anywhere in a very long time where the staff has treated you better than The Ivy. 

Throughout the evening we were served a series of canapes, with a variety of options. Unfortunately for me, as a Coeliac, I was limited to three options. Christie, however, delved into the majority of options and seemed to enjoy them all. The couple of bits I was able to have were delicious though, and the Manager took it upon himself to give me his details so that should I wish to come back for a full meal. I could contact him directly and ensure that I would be fully catered for, with plenty of options. 

At first glance, the whole place just oozes elegance with a 1930's/40's vibe, yet with a modern twist somehow. From the matching mustard coloured chairs, marble tables, rose gold elements dotted around to the monkey wallpaper and succulent greenery. Not to mention the amazing artwork covering the walls, which just makes the entire place come together.

I have to say I was pretty obsessed with the wallpaper, combined with the chandeliers, well it would make any place look elegant for sure. Plus I love anything with a vintage vibe about it.

The Ivy Brasseries offer all-day menus which feature some of the best British dishes in a relaxed yet sophisticated environment, the Norwich branch will have a couple of tables held back for walk-ins. Allowing you to pop in on your lunch break or for evening cocktails, either way, you can be in casual or smart wear because this branch is super friendly and welcoming.

Overall, I thought the night was a success and everyone that attended looked very happy to be there. I cannot wait to see what more they have to offer, I will certainly be heading back, even if it's just to see how all the tables look in there. 

* This was a PR event which I attended for free in exchange for a review post. Please see my Disclaimer for more information.

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

Living Proof PHD Dry Shampoo*

Being someone that doesn't like to wash their hair more than once a week unless absolutely necessary, dry-shampoos are a must in my weekly routine. So when I received the Living Proof Perfect Hair Day in the latest VoxBox I was quite pleased. 

Having found out that the dry shampoo is also formulated without any silicone and is safe for coloured and chemically treated hair, I was even more pleased to have this in my possession.

Claims

Supposedly powered by their patented Healthy Hair Molecule (OFPMA) and triple-action cleaning technology, this dry shampoo will be able to:

• absorb and remove oil, sweat, and odor, 
• make your hair feel, look, and smell clean,
• work with virtually any hair type as it will leave no visible residue or powdery build-up,
• release the light fragrance over-time, to give you a pleasant clean scent throughout the day.

Top Tip from their site, if you do see any white residue left over. Just wait 30 seconds and brush away. 

My Verdict

It certainly kept my hair from looking and feeling greasy, especially with this year's heat waves, trying to keep to my one day a week wash has been a struggle. So dry-shampoo has been a real friend to me, however, having one that actually suits your hair without making it feel stiff and just as horrible as it did when it was greasy can be just as much as a challenge as trying not to wash it.

In comes PHD Dry Shampoo, it honestly worked wonders and even got me past the 7-day mark. That's also without having to use it daily, it seemed to work throughout the day and night after use, to break down the grease, oil and whatever else was in my hair to make it look totally clean.

I would highly recommend this to anyone that suffers from oily hair, or that like me doesn't want to wash it regularly, not because we're dirty, but because it's actually better for your hair.

* I received this serum from InfluensterUK for free in exchange for my honest and unbiased feedback, all my views and opinions are my own and have not been influenced in any way. Please see my Disclaimer for more information.

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

£10.00 for 92ml.

I Got Microbladed

Yes, I know Microbladding has been around for a while now and I have been looking into getting my brows done ever since the new treatment arose. Needless to say with the cost and wide variety of beauticians offering the treatment I wanted to wait until I was satisfied I had found the right person for me, it also helped that the lovely Chloe had a deal on too. 

Microbladding or PhiBrows is a manual, semi-permanent treatment to create realistic eyebrows in whatever shape you desire. Obviously, when I had mine done, you can see I had a major outbreak, usually for the best results you need to have clear skin around and in the eyebrow area. Luckily my breakout didn't affect the area that was being worked on, so it wasn't an issue but it is something to be aware of. 

Procedure

At first, Chloe measured out and shaped the brow outlines and checked the symmetry with their special PhiBrow application. Once she was entirely happy, she got to work with a disposable hand-held blade and PhiBrows microbladding Pigment. 

Excusing my breakout, here you can see the before and after. I can safely say that I am in LOVE!

The basic procedure is for them to use the blade and pigment to create little scratches in your skin, like hair strokes. Kind of like a tattoo, only they do not penetrate the same layers of skin that a tattooist would, hence semi-permanent. These hair strokes are always drawn in the direction of your natural hair, which achieves the most realistic result.

Pain??? What Pain? 
With regards to the pain, it was bearable and as someone that has had several tattoos. The pain is nowhere near a tattoo, I would describe it as a long painful tweeze. It is really very odd, I found myself wanting to sneeze a few times, just like you do when you tweeze. Chloe did apply some light anesthetics some of the way through and I literally couldn't feel anything from then on.

Aftercare.. The Most Important Part!
This part is all on you, how long your brows last will all depend on the care you take in the aftercare. I would advise that you follow this stringently and understand that if you fail to do so that the beautician cannot be at fault for these factors. Aftercare makes up to 70% of total treatment success, basically, if you fail to follow the instructions, then you could lose out on amazing brows.

You will be advised that the pigment may become darker within the first 5-7 days and then after 7 days lose up to 40% of its pigmentation. Though this will come back we are told, you just have to be patient. I didn't get any of these effects at all, they seemed to just stay the same. I had lost a couple of strokes, however, these were minor and were corrected in the top up appointment.

The Top Up

The top-up is done 4-6 weeks after the initial treatment and shouldn't take half as long as the first procedure, provided you have taken great care of your brows in the first instance. Mine had healed very well and the pigment retention was almost as if she had done it the day before. I was so happy with how they turned out.

The aftercare procedure is pretty much exactly the same as before, however, there are no ore top-ups until you feel you need they need re-done. Which should hopefully be in a years time.

Overall I am extremely pleased and so happy I treated myself to these amazing brows. The difference between before and after is incredible and anyone that says good brows don't make your face is a liar! I would highly recommend Chloe if you're in Norwich.

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

SkinKissed*

SkinKissed is currently being called 'A Miracle in a Bottle', so when I was offered the chance to see what all the hype was about, I couldn't pass up the opportunity. 

Claims

The Vitamin C, Hyaluronic acid, Collagen, and Rosewater serum is 100% cruelty-free and I have also been informed it is gluten-free too. SkinKissed have done many months of research with skin doctors and beauticians to create the perfect combination of ingredients, which work together seamlessly to give your skin the best outcome possible.

These results claim to be:

• Removes Acne Scars and Heal Prone Skin,
• Improve Fine Lines and Wrinkles,
• Plumps, Hydrates Dry and Dull Skin, 
• Repairs and Smooths Sensitive, Dry and/ or Mature Skin,
• Boots Radiance and 
• Leaves Skin Glowing, Smoother and Tighter.

Uses

Best used day and night, however with my skin type being combination to oily, I decided to only use it at night. The serum dry to a tacky kind of finish and has a weird metal scent which is not strong or off-putting, but I didn't know how my foundation and skin would react during the day.

The serum can be used as a primer or you could apply it to a makeup brush to blend your foundation/ makeup. Though I am not too sure how effective this would be.

Lastly, you can also combine it with other products to combat acne and oily prone skin.

My Verdict

Although I may have not used the serum as stated, however, I am pleased to say that I have actually noticed a difference. Initially, I hadn't noticed any difference at all, it wasn't until I saw my before and after photos for my Microbladding sessions, that I saw the quality of my skin.

You can see the difference between the left and right, 4 weeks difference, my acne cleared up without any mars and even my red blood spots have lightened. My pores and lines have become smaller and tighter, honestly, my skin just looks so much healthier. I never would have imagined that the serum would have actually worked so well.

* I received this serum from SkinKissed for free in exchange for my honest and unbiased feedback, all my views and opinions are my own and have not been influenced in any way. Please see my Disclaimer for more information.

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

July Lookback 2018

What can I say, this month hasn't really been the most eventful. Then again, that's how some month's go. You get a burst of events and then slow nothings.

Social

The first few days were spent in Rome, which was pretty damn epic! I know I am still yet to write a post on the Gluten Free food, but at least I did manage to get most of what I wore there up for you to see. When In Rome, you have to see the main sights such as the Coliseum, Vatican, Trevi Fountain and so much more.

My main other events have been going to Harley's agility demonstration days. These have been a lot of fun and they really give me a full day of practice. Aside from the odd day seeing friends and family here and there, I haven't really been up to very much. As I said this month has been a little boring.

Other than the amazing weather we have had! Seriously, can we just take a moment to appreciate that?

Beauty

So I took the plunge and got my brows Microbladed!!!! Yep, I did it, and I am so so so happy I did! They are the best thing since, well I would say sliced bread, but since I don't really like bread anymore (god damn gluten-free) I will just say since we figured out they are meant to big and bold!

I am getting them topped up this week, so am holding off on the full review until the whole process is complete, but rest assured they are totally worth it!

Health

I have been dealing a little better recently with my mental health, however, have finally come around to the idea of counseling. So will be starting that in August, speaking to someone completely unbiased to me and my situation should be really helpful and insightful. That's what I am hoping anyway, I know it will be an extremely hard process and I will be very worn down through it, but here's hoping I come out stronger on the other side.

I also finally took the time to speak to two people very dear to me, so that they actually understand the extent of my situation. That in itself has taken a weight off of my shoulders and having them there is all I could ever ask for.

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.