How I Really Feel About My Weight Loss

After a year or so of ongoing tests, back and fourth to the doctors/ hospital I am still no closer to knowing why I have and am still losing weight. It has torn me up inside and out, leading me to breaking point. This is the reason why I am writing this post, not for sympathy or awe, but understanding of what I have been going through.

Most people would look at the image above and be elated that they have lost that much weight, that they have pretty much no body fat and are starting to see their ribs. Most people don't understand that for me I am 28, I am slimmer than I was when I was in high school and I should not have a child's body. For me a woman's body includes a bit of body fat where the ribs are covered.
Over this time I have become very conscious of my body, much like an overweight person might be. The thing is because the subject is about being too slim, it is not understood and is almost as if I shouldn't be.

When you compare the images below you can just imagine the scale of what I am actually talking about. Whilst I was not "large" before, I was a lot bigger than I am now. To not be able to even maintain a weight is unbearable, so I can sympathise with those that struggle with it in any respect.

My story began with the doctors palming me off initially, telling me that I was just losing weight naturally. That I was going down to what was the "norm" for me.. however it never stopped. So I persisted and finally got referred to the gastro clinic, for my Coeliac Disease.

It made sense that it was likely to be something to do with that, seeing as they had already done every blood test under the sun. Ruling out thyroid, lupus and so on. Honestly I could have given blood with the amount they drained.

I had another endoscopy test along with a CT scan, which low and behold showed nothing but the fact everything appears to be healthy, with my Coeliac being inactive. The only thing that did show up was an abnormality in my liver?!?!? That was a little shocking to be fair..

As usual I was told this is likely to be benign and had an MRI scan for that, which I am still awaiting results for. Forgive me for being concerned and a little worried, but how can they be sure it is benign from a scan??? Or am I naive?

So where does that leave me now? Well I am left waiting again, waiting for further blood tests to see why I am so fatigued all the time, because I have not had these checked since losing the weight. It is likely that I am deficient in something, if my body can't even keep hold of any fat then how can I expect it to retain the nutrients it needs to keep me going daily? But I am no medical professional, yet I seem to be banging my head against the wall constantly, because it feels as though I am not being taken seriously and am yet again being palmed off.

Palmed off back to my GP and to a Dietitian apparently. The idea is that a Dietitian will be able to help me find the right kinds of foods to eat, that I can actually eat, to potentially gain some weight or maintain my current weight... because their diagnosis at this point is mild IBS!

Yes you heard it right, IBS, whilst I know many people out there suffer from IBS and I know it is a real condition. I do not believe that for those of us with an existing auto-immune disease, that have already been stung with the IBS bullshit once before, deserve to settle for that. I am sorry but I do not have IBS symptoms, and it seems to be their answer for everything and anything they cannot solve.

The main problem I have at this point is pretending to be ok all the time, constantly lying to every single person that asks me on a daily basis "How are you?" "You alright?". With my reply being "Yeah I'm good" or "No, I'm half left", lying through my teeth, because NO, no I am not good. The cold hard truth is I am suffering, suffering with anxiety and depression.

I never thought that I would be one to say that, never did I think I would be in this position but here I am. It isn't just this one thing that has lead me to this point, but an accumulation of events and time. That is something for another time, because this is about my weight only and I think I have waffled on enough.

Here's hoping that something comes of the next steps and that I can get some semblance of normality.

I would just like to thank Christie for helping me with the photos and helping me have some fun with it too, you are the best friend I could ever ask for!

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.