Things Only a Military Girlfriend Will Know

I am still fairly new to this whole military lifestyle, the way things work, what you can and cannot say; and don't even get me started on the bad rep some military "girlfriends" have laid out for those of us that are actually in this for the long haul. 

Being a military girlfriend is a tough role, one that can be undermined in the military community, though I am finding that through social media it is becoming more open. I have found that like many there are a few things that, not only girlfriends but spouses too, can relate too. Trying to find your place can be difficult but remembering you're not alone is the key. Your relationship will endure so much, far too soon and you will find that you are either made for this life or you're not. It really is as simple as that.

The Experience of Long Distance Relationships Far too soon!

We all know that being apart is all part of daily life, however, within the military it plays a very big role. From short-term to extremely long-term, over long geographical distances that can way heavily on your relationship. Whilst it does seem daunting to start off with, the more you both go through, the stronger your partnership becomes. I have found it particularly amazing how much you find out about one another and jointly, being forced into a situation you would otherwise avoid. In turn, forces you to face all sorts of things other relationships don't even encounter until much further down the line. 

Getting on Base... owh my days

Only those that cannot get onto the base without their other half will understand, that this can be somewhat embarrassing at times. Standing in line just to get a vehicle pass to be allowed on base, which your SO would otherwise not need, seems to be a little maddening. Thankfully you only need to do it on rare occasions, or like me when you want candy! 

Acronyms - WTF

Wow, this one I am not sure I will ever get the hang of, it feels as though there are acronyms for acronyms at times. Even attending an Awards Ceremony I was lost trying to just listen out for my SO's name! Either way, I will en-devour to try my best to learn.

Rules Upon Rules Upon Rules

There are soooo many rules and yes some if not a lot applies to you too! You have to be aware of OPSEC (Yes I do know one acronym) and that means basically keeping a lot of information secret, so being extremely careful about what you post on social media and even what you might text or say to someone in passing. Not to mention dress codes, and there are many that your SO has to abide by that will spill over into your personal life. 

The PCS Discussion...

When your SO gets orders to PCS, they don't have a choice, they have to go. It's at that point that you both have to decide whether you stay or go with them. It's not an easy conversation to have, especially if you haven't been together long; if you weren't in a military relationship you wouldn't even dream of having that kind of conversation. 

If you decide to go, you're basically uprooting your life and picking up the tab for it. It's not easy to make a decision like that based on a relationship that may or may not be destined for marriage. If you stay, do you try to make it work long-distance or make a clean break? 

When to get Married???

PCS and Deployments tend to weigh heavily on the decisions to get married, you often find yourself thinking - let's just get married because it will make life easier. It's no secret that legal rights are at the forefront within the military community for those that are married, and those that aren't tend to get left behind. That's not to say that you should or shouldn't get married just because of a PCS or deployment if it's right it's right. 

There's Nothing you can do when they complain.

There will always be days when your SO says they cannot wait to get out, when they are having a really bad day and honestly there is nothing you can do to rectify it. As much as I would love to help the situation, all you can do is listen. You can try to offer advice, however, unless you have served, there's not a whole lot you can do. Just be there. 

But The PRIDE

There is a massive sense of pride knowing that no matter what role your SO plays within the military they are doing their bit to serve. Whatever their reasons for joining they are in, and they give up all the simple things we take for granted every day. 

So yeah I am proud. I am proud of every achievement. 

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

From Dating to a Relationship*

When you start dating, and I don't know about guys, but us girls think about many different scenarios. We wonder about what would happen if we never meet anyone, what would happen if we meet someone and it just doesn't work; if we do and they turn out to be a complete psycho after a couple of weeks. Well, we also consider how bad it could be if we fall head over heels for someone and they just don't feel quite the same.. thus leaving the majority of the 'serious' decisions up to them.

So when you do meet someone after talking to them from a site such as Oxfordshire Dating Site, or meeting them through a friend. Knowing whether you're just crazy for someone or if you actually like this person and are crazy too; is pretty damn important.

Everyone is a fan of being crazy about one another, that feeling of being completely overcome with feeling and emotion. Where you have no control of how you act, how you react and all you do from one moment to the next with each other. We all love that feeling, but it never lasts, at least not as strong as it did, to begin with. 

Time passes and as it does so will the shine of that crazy feeling, that's the time to decide whether you want to really commit to this person. Be the type of person that wants to really be with someone and want to like them even when they're driving you nutty, with the look to become utterly devoted in whatever way you both decide. Being crazy for one another is great, but it's unstable, anything unstable will ultimately never lead to a healthy anything. 

In my personal opinion, the main issue these days with these are the values we hold. Many of the younger generations do not seem to understand the value of loyalty, in turn, the middle-aged generation has also turned off their sense of value and morals. It seems as though my generation (yes I suppose I am middle-aged now), has set out a bad set of guidelines for the younger. With apps such as Tinder, Happn and Bumble, (I suppose Grinder for those that way inclined),  have created this aura that it is ok to swipe right. To go from one person to the next, as soon as you are not happy anymore, something just doesn't work or fit just right.. move on to the next. 

The thing is, committing to something more, taking the initiative to decide what you want to want, want to like, lends yourself to a fuller future. I absolutely love the quote from an old married couple - "We were born in a time, where if something was broken you fixed. You didn't just throw it away." 

Dating can be so much fun, but let's be honest, most of us who are dating are doing it for something more. So why not look at it all without rose-tinted glasses, go in completely bare and be surprised what you'll find.

* This is a sponsored post. Please see my Disclaimer for more information.

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

Dating in Real Life*

So let's be honest, with so many chick flick movies and fluffy TV-shows these days it's no wonder we live in a world of false ideals. One where we have this notion of a perfect first date, meeting under the stars or some bull cacky. Followed by a whirlwind of sparkling emotions, hand in hand strolling down the beach with the sunset in the distance. The night ending with a mind-blowing all-knowing kiss, that will ultimately lead your sealed fate of a long-lasting easy peasy, never to waver relationship.

Do you see that massive bubble? I am going to pop it now.... That is NOT how life or really strong relationships work! You may be one of the lucky ones, who get to experience what is for them "the perfect date", which may possibly be followed after meeting from some dating sites such as Belfast Dating Site, but you are truly kidding yourself if you think things will be completely and utterly butterly smooth sailing from there. That is unless you live in dreamland with rose-tinted glasses, which you never remove.

In real life dating and relationships are hard work, especially the ones that are special, being with someone you actually want to be with means that you will both have to work hard to keep your relationship and make it stronger. Have you ever heard the saying - Anything worth having, Never comes easy. Once those rose-tinted glasses slip, the highlight reel is worn out, you start to see the little things that niggle you. Some more serious issues may arise, which again could prove easier to ignore or walk away from - when it comes to it though, talking things through and finding common ground with a shared agenda will always last.

I am not saying that two completely incompatible people should keep trying to be together regardless, because, well that would just be ridiculous! What I am saying is that, if you truly know that you fit, that when push comes to shove and you have to make the choice to leave or stay. You are pulled back to stay, not out of fear or worry of what would happen if you left; but because you honestly couldn't see yourself without them. With this person and you know you make each other better people, then you should try to work through whatever.

Hard work does seem like, well HARD WORK - to state the obvious; but there are benefits and massive perks to it all. TRUST ME. Working through all these challenges and obstacles together, as a team, as opposed to fighting separate battles. Which on serves to push you apart, if one of you "wins" you both lose... So becoming a team allows you to find a balance you ever knew you had, open your eyes to each other's flaws and imperfections with compassion, not judgment.  It makes you realize whether this is what you really want if this person is worth your effort. Then well it is pretty darn incredible. 

Just remember that as relationships develop and you both grow, so will the way you have to deal with situations, thus the work will never completely end. 

* This is a sponsored post. Please see my Disclaimer for more information.

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

Life As It Stands | October 2019

When you don't write for a certain period of time, you find yourself not knowing what to say, let alone how to say it! To say I have had a lot going on is an understatement, and yes there are many other people in the world who are worse off than I am, some of whom I know personally. They take it on the chin and just get on with a smile on their face every freaking day!

That doesn't mean to say that whatever you or I are going through is any less important, I guess it just put's things into perspective. Last time I did a catch up, I did a catch up I hated my Job! I was in a bad place, that was causing me to have daily stress and to be perfectly honest battles with confidence due to bullying in the workplace. Yes I said it, I call it how it is. Being segregated in a room working on my own day in day out took it's toll too, I love working with people - having that banter in the male industry is one of the reasons I chose to come into it.

Though I have found that these days, with the change in politics and the way we views things people tend to be a little more sensitive. I mean come on, having to be careful about saying manhole and replacing it with personhole??? That's just getting a little too PC.

Anyway I digress, I have since started a new job, which seems to be a pretty welcoming and friendly environment. With from what I can grasp a very good boss, and how often can you say that! I feel as though my mind is valued, which is boosting my confidence tenfold. So where is the bad stuff you say? Well......

On my first day I never in my wildest dreams expected to see some one whom I had hoped to never see again to be perfectly honest, in a nut shell don't mix business with pleasure.. you may not get what you're expecting. I sure as hell didn't - the years since our time together I have found out that his temper to put it mildly was not just saved for me.

Not to mention being with someone who is tied to the Military is not as simple as it is made out to be. Being thrown curve ball after curve ball, has been the hardest part of the last month. Having to decide life changing decisions at an early stage and trying to break down walls built for the same reasons that I can completely comprehend; has been one heck of a challenge. Though you know what - in life you just have to pick your partner well. Work together as a team and fight anything that comes in that partnership, otherwise you will always be at loggerheads with one another and who wins then? No One!

The next few months are going to be hard as hell!!! I am not going to lie, but I have got so much planned that hopefully time will fly by.

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

Dating Locally*

With the mass of nationwide dating sites, it is easier than ever to get yourself out there. The appeal to go as far as possible can be very strong, however, I guess you have to way the pros and cons of that actual situation. Especially with the whole catfish scenarios, talking to someone who is miles away with little chance of meeting often or at all - well is it really worth it. It would be a real shame to grow a connection with a virtual person, over a period of time to have the rug pulled right out from under you and find out they are nothing like what they described/ portrayed. 

For me when I started dating again I looked very close to home and stayed within my home town, which for some may be the best option. Whilst it may work for some to try and stay closer to home, what worked best for me was to look a little further away but still within driving distance, looking for a site such as Suffolk Dating Site, is perfect.

Personally, having lived in my hometown for the majority of my life the pool never really changed to be perfectly honest, I found the same old characters/ types of guys and I really needed to find someone out of my comfort zone. Away from the same group's people that all seem to know one another, somehow every guy I dated or started to talk too, knew someone in my life or from my past. Whilst that may be appealing to some, I needed a clean break, a fresh start that had no connection to anyone at all.

That's where sites such as Date in Suffolk can come in handy, sure they may be local to where you are but for someone else they may be just outside of their local, giving them and you the chance to find some new, free from local dramas and having a brand new outlook on life.  

It's all very well being able to have dates via. skype or facetime, but can you actually sit in silence together and be happy? Are you comfortable in their space? Having once been in a long-distance relationship, where I spent a year talking via skype to finally meet and find that there wasn't actually a proper connection physically.. well you can see how that could be pretty disappointing. 

The advantages of going more local, far out way just seeing what you can get from wherever it will come, that is if you are after a more serious relationship. Dating is difficult at the best of times, meeting someone you actually click with is such a rare thing these days and being able to regularly meet up to keep the connection strong is just as important as being able to be without each other. 

I love the fact that you get to explore each other's local area, showing each either around and giving the personal tour. The one that only you know about, the secret spots that you enjoy, you grew up going too; these are the types of things that can really get you talking and find out those little things about one another. 

* This is a sponsored post. Please see my Disclaimer for more information.

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

Make An Image Your Own*

Since getting a little more creative with my images, I have realized that there are a lot of different styles out there; which means you have to up your game due to the ongoing competition. Being able to put together a decent layout or a well set up exterior backdrop etc, does just not cut it anymore.  Hence, creating your own individual brand is especially important for standing out on the big wide web. 

For me adding personal touches to your own imagery, which compliment the photo itself can help to really make your photo and brand pop, not to mention give you a look which is all your own. There are many ways to add those touches, from simple brush strokes, that can be pre-made and loaded in or drawn by yourself, to a logo font. With thousands of fonts to choose from, there are endless possibilities. With the image above, I used a font called Ancient and Hey Betty, script fonts and slightly messy looking fonts are my go-to. These two fonts ticked both of those boxes all in one, Ancient in particular was one that really spoke to me. Being one that looked more like a true hand-written font is something we all need in our lives, more reality. 

Again having used the classic Gossip Girl XOXO over and over again on many of my images, thus creating an ongoing theme. I wanted to change it up from my go-to pre-loaded XOXO below, by using the Hey Betty font and create a new XOXO. This then gave me a chance to make another creative image that not only fitted in with my style but had a look that was all it's own. 

Having the major variety of options we do these days, there really is no reason why you cannot find at least two fonts that do not call out to you and speak to you! With those in hand and the way we view the world now, opening the way for more promiscuous speech, well let's just there's just about anything you can say on your own imagery.  

Another way to individualise you images is to add other creative elements, I like to use elements such as small flowers, lips, random shapes and outline elements such as the one below. 

Adding in elements such as this, add layers to your image which can help to focus the eye on areas that are of most importance. Along with these, I add in additional images that follow the story I am trying to tell with my image and either layer them in or create a grid kind of layout. With these adding in block colours in solid shapes can help to create a very clean image. 

Doing these simple steps may take some time, may mean some playing around to get it just right, but you do go from a simple photo to a perfectly personalized creative image.

* This is a sponsored post. Please see my Disclaimer for more information.

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

Dating for Free in Suffolk*

With the end of Summer and Autumn drawing in, it's the perfect time to start pulling out the cozy knits, steaming hot chocolates and long evening strolls. Autumn can be for some, meaning me, the dawn of the end of the warm night and lovely hot days and the beginning of cold wintery mornings. Though for most it is the start of pretty colours, fall fun and a change in the season is always something to explore. 

That being said, when you start dating you may start to realize how expensive it is. Not that you should expect to be treated every day, with the crowned jewels; but popping out to town, grabbing dinner and going out to the movies sure does tally up. Not to mention the dreaded X-word (Christmas), which we all say we will never think about this early in the year, however, we all do!

So for some Suffolk Singles I have had a look at some cheap and free things to do in and around Suffolk for Suffolk Dating:

1. The Abbey Gardens are completely free, not only can you pack yourself a little picnic or just a couple of drinks, but you can walk around and enjoy the architecture. With a 14 acre area to park your bums, botanical gardens, and church ruins you sure won't run out of things to do on a perfect autumn afternoon. 

2. Now Thetford Forest is pretty well renowned and the parking can be rather steep, however, if you scope out the area and road heading towards the main park you will find places to park by the road. Which are completely free and have pathways heading into separate areas of the forest. Now for me, I think there is no better way of getting to know someone; than to head out on a good long walk and talk, possibly get lost and see how you both handle the situation. 

3. If forests aren't really your thing and you would prefer a stroll along a nice coastline, then why not discover Suffolks some 50-mile long coast path and heathlands. Southwold Beach is one that I personally have not been too, but have heard is pretty nice. Dunwich Beach is one that allows dogs all year round, perfect for those of us with four-legged friends, and finally, Deben Penisula is a very pretty heathland with a picturesque village.

4. Who doesn't love a good old Netflix and Chill night, a nice home movie or tv binge night is always a good way to get close. You can plan a home-cooked meal, with lots of cheezy junk food for the rest of the night. Both of you wrapped under a big fluffy blanket, cuddled up and stuffing your face with Cheetos. 

5. With Halloween just around the corner, why not go pumpkin picking at Undley Pumpkin Patch. It's free to enter you just have to pay for the pumpkin you pick and any activities you choose to partake in, though, from what I gather the majority of those are catered more towards children.

* This is a sponsored post. Please see my Disclaimer for more information.

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

Motif Tees

Now getting these shots is never easy, my brother is an amazing companion for getting me to feel confident enough to let loose. I mean I will give to give you a little background to trying to actually find him, I had to drive around multiple road closures and diversions. Park up on the side of a road and started to walk up towards where I thought would be the entrance to where he was. 

After trying to call him several times, he finally called me back and asked me where I was. Me being me, I answered - "Walking up the hill". Yep because that kind of answer helps nobody ever does it Kim!!! Luckily though he knows me too well and waited for me to realize what I had just said, in the end, I had to go back to the car, go back through all the road works and find my way up the other end of a closed road. 

When I finally arrived at my destination, I got out and saw who I thought was Adam coming out of the building and coincidentally got a call from him at the same time. So what did I do started to wave... Yeah you guessed it, wasn't him, so had these guys looking at me like, who the heck is this chick waving at us?? Adam on the other end of the line saying why are you waving like some weirdo, well once you start, carry on is my motto, because if you don't see who you were meant to be waving at then you won't look sooooo crazy if you carry on and walk past those who you thought were the person you were waving at. 

The embrace I got when I saw him was exactly what I needed I have to say! Having not had a proper male hug in over a month and having him be super excited to see me as it was a last-minute decision to see him, was just heart-melting. I guess I forget how much I miss him and need a male perspective on things. Seeing him he always knows how to make me laugh, no matter what. 

Jeans: H&M

Top: H&M

Boots: Primark

Bag: Loungefly x Disney 

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

Why I May seem Cold when we First Meet...

Over the last year and a half, I have been made to feel as though I am a very cold and heartless individual. Someone that can seem as though they walk around with their head held high above all others and look down their nose to look at all the lower individuals they believe to be beneath them.

Thankfully, I know for a fact that this is not true, this is NOT me and the people that truly know me for me know this too. In fact, they are the people that have made me come around, the ones that made me realize this to be true. 

"Some People will never like you because your silence irritates their Demons"

Needless to say, I have acknowledged that whilst I know I am not a heartless bitch, I do have a tendency to not show my true self to people I may not trust or know. Thus, giving off a slightly chilly vibe, due to the wall created to protect me; staying quiet and only participating in conversation when absolutely necessary. Giving as little information about myself as possible.

People like me, who have been worn down and constantly let down one way or another. Have now taken the choice to cut people out, to choose who to be around, so when we meet new people it doesn't come easy to just let it all out and be completely free and open. Believe me, I have been working on it and am a lot more open than I was a year ago, however, there are times and places that I will be very reserved. 

Depending on the situation, how others are interacting I may start to open up. Again, I will see how people react to the slight show of myself and if you react well, GREAT! If it turns nasty somehow,, as it seems to have done in one situation I have been subject too, I will go deeper into my shell. You will then be left to your own devices as to how to interpret me and for that, I guess I apologize. I apologize for your lack of integrity, because, we are all different and shouldn't be judged for our silence. 

So sure, I understand it if you think I may be a dislikeable unfun person, give me time. Let me come out of my shell and show you who I really am, from my own experience those people are the best kind of people to have around. Okay, that sounded a little condescending and pig-headed, what I mean is that people who take their time to choose who they spend their time with, who they choose to show their true selves too are usually the most loyal and fun to be around. 

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

Taking Steps to get my Mojo Back!

It's all very well and good saying that you want to feel better, you do seem better and can see the light; but acknowledging what got you in the slump in the first place is just as much about getting you out of it, as keeping yourself out.

I realized only last week how much I missed certain areas of my life, as silly as that sounds, I think we take for granted the small things. After taking some time to actually care for myself and get rid of my overwhelming migraine, I sat and ate the same sort of meal I cook most nights. It wasn't anything special or out of this world, to my man, in particular, he would say it was pretty bland, but to me for the first time in an extremely long time; I sat back and was surprised by how much I enjoyed it. I have got my love for food back, to the extent that I crave eating again, don't get me wrong I eat a lot! But usually for the reason of having too, not because I LOVE too!

It's these little moments that give me the realization that I need to pull myself further up out of whatever this slump is, I have let those around me influence me, drag me down to a level of self-doubt. Somewhere I thought I had risen above, however, your subconscious is a funny thing. Keeping those seeds there in the back of your mind, letting them sprout into weeds that take over your garden, and we all know unless you tend to your garden regularly, it can get out of control. 

Here are some tips I have picked up on over the past few years: 

Never Force Anything - There is one thing that you have to remember when trying to not go back down the rabbit hole, never force yourself to be better. It will happen in its own time, you have to take steps to help yourself along the way though. 

Faking a Smile - Whilst you may have mastered what I like to call your "mask", the face you put out to everyone in the world except yourself. You will be setting yourself up for disaster, trust me on this one, I have done it for years! There are times that I still do it, so I know all too well how easy it is to slip back into old habits, but, with your nearest and dearest never wear your mask. Show them your true face, your sadness, your darkness and best of all your true smile. 

Talk & Cry - I have such a bad habit of bottling things up, letting things slide and not letting people in on what's really going on. No matter how silly or insignificant you think it may be, all those small things add up over time and believe me they boil over and you will eventually explode! So please find someone to talk to and if you want to cry, then cry!

Keep up your Interests! - Having started to get back into writing on here and editing my photos, getting such amazing feedback! I can only say that I wish I had kept at it, maybe it would have helped me focus a little more on me and less on the negative going on. So don't give up on whatever it is you love to do!

So I am here, I am back and I am ready to fight! Given how far I have come mentally on my own, in the past year alone. I don't think I will let anyone dim my shine anymore. I will be honest, I want a lot to happen this year and me being in a slump, letting my anxiety take over is just going to get in the way of that. Sure, I will have to do things I don't necessarily want to do, sometimes you do just want to be alone and not deal with the social interactions. I will do them, for those that have supported me and been here. 

As someone special said to me take it one day at a time...

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

Halfway Through the Year.. Lets have a Look Back

The last few months have been pretty darn hard for me. Not being able to talk to the one person I want to properly, has not helped the situation much; but if you know me well then you will know I have a bad habit of putting up and shutting up. Carrying on, as if nothing is on and let the candle burn out as it were.

A certain area of my life has created a very stressful environment to be in which has caused my chronic headaches to flare up and thus elevate to migraines. With my underlying anxiety issues, I have found it particularly hard to even do the basic daily tasks, let alone even think about getting back to writing on here. That's the problem with getting low, you lose your mojo, you lose all your kick. I am finished feeling like that though, I want it back. I want to start feeling like I like life again, I love Harley. I love my Man and my family - what is actually wrong. NOTHING! So I need to get out of this funk and not let this beat me, I have come too far!

Wow, me and my Man have been together for nearly 6 months!!! Crazy for me, considering I had resigned myself to not finding anyone and being a crazy dog lady. We have been through our first proper deployment, and I have to say, despite the fact that it has got to be the worst timing ever!  With the stressful situation going on, I have not felt weird or off about it at all. I genuinely believe it takes a certain type of person to be able to be away from your partner for a long period of time, you need to have complete trust and be content in your own space. 

I became an Auntie again, to Nova Joy!! Christie and James had their gorgeous baby girl on the 21st June. Meeting her was such a pleasure, Christie is such a natural mother and that is saying something given that all these years she has hated holding peoples babies and being creeped out by them Seeing her with Nova really gives me all the feels! I have to admit that she is the only baby to ever make me broody, I don't know if it's the fact that I am so close to Christie or that I am with someone who I can actually see myself with.

I have managed to cross off a few more things from my 30 before 30 list, with the help of my man. Not that he knew it, well, I didn't realize it until after some of it. Like one night we went out and decided to go to Gravity in Norwich, which is an indoor trampoline place. Basically relived my youth that night, trying to do backflips and all the stupid things that were so easy as a kid.

So far this year has been pretty amazing, with meeting my Man and new people. Christie and James becoming parents, to the beautiful Nova. I have been to Dorset and had an awesome little road trip with some amazing friends, with more yet to come. The year isn't over and whilst this half of the year has had its challenges, which aren't over yet, I am strong and can overcome anything that is thrown at me. 

That is the one big lesson I have learnt from all of this, I can overcome anything. I can do anything I put my mind too. There are a lot of people out there with struggles and anxiety, but there are a lot more people who struggle daily with a hell of a lot more on their plate than that. 

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

A Fine Line - Dominant Submissive Relationships*

When one thinks of a Dominant/ Submissive (Dom/ Sub) relationship your mind obviously automatically goes to whips, chains, and a hidden BDSM room. Whilst I suppose there are some that are like that; when it comes to bdsm dating it's all part of a much broader spectrum. In short, however, one partner generally submits to the more dominant party; in a psychological manner as opposed to totally physical. 

The major fine line to consider when looking into dom/sub relationships and sites such as My BDSM Hookups is to consider the right partner; the nature of these mind games can certainly nurture and lead to emotional/ domestic abuse. That is not to say that two consenting individuals can't have a loving, strong relationship, just consider a few things before delving into the realms of trusting someone with these fantasies. 

One major thing to stress from the outset is the importance of everything being consensual, most Dom/Sub relationships, create checklists and even contracts with all negotiations written down to reinforce this consent. - DO NOT refer to Fifty Shades as a guide for consent or communication. Personally, I haven't watched it, however, I do know that they didn't get proper consent and communication was lacking.

Communication

A strong open line of communication is key to any relationship, be it friend or partner. With these kinds of situations, however, keeping communication free flowing will not only build trust, but will keep each of you happy to express any concerns, headline any likes/ dislikes, set out any rules and or boundaries. You can also discuss experiences or expectations; keeping things completely honest will only serve you better in the future. 

Most couples start out by having a clear conversation at the beginning of the relationship to find out what sexual preferences they do and/ or do not like. One good way to do this, would be to list out all activities each of you knows and go through the list together; stating whether you would or wouldn't want to try it. Again discussing the fundamentals and ensuring that everything is consensual on both sides. 

Trust

You both have to know one another truly to be able to allow yourselves to let go and trust that person to have you. It is one thing to allow someone to have your body, but to allow someone to 'control' your mind and/ or perform certain acts of dominance; well you need to have respect and total trust. 

Without that the line between physical dominance and even emotional dominance can get blurry, you may think you want it, it may be a fantasy of yours. Yet there may come a point in the relationship that it becomes unwanted, too violent.. Forced almost.

Once you have set out some basic rules and know what you both want from the relationship, you can start off slowly and work your way up. It is always a good idea to check in with each other and keep the communication open. Remember that just because it is working for you it may be near the limit for them.

* This is a sponsored post. Please see my Disclaimer for more information.

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

How Much Has Dating Changed in 20 Years?*

Now, as a 30-year old I have had to ask around for other opinions on this subject, I can't very well give me advice on over 40 dating and the changes that have arisen compared to their childhood notions. Though I know from personal experience that it has certainly changed a vast amount since I was a kid, or even a teenager to now. So I can only imagine the major differences that have taken place over the years, even with a 10-year gap.

Older Dating can come with its own set of challenges, some of which I covered in a past post, such as being aware that there are scammers on the internet; so never under any circumstances divulge your personal information including your bank information. There should be no need for anyone you're talking too, to know that. Always meet in a crowded place and let someone know who and when you're meeting, it is better to be safe than sorry. One big online dating question I have been asked is regarding setting up the profile, get someone to help you out, perhaps a younger family member?

I suppose that is one big major difference, the internet, and smartphones! They weren't around, you had to actually seek out someone and speak to them face-to-face if you wanted to strike up a conversation; possibly ask them out for a date. I mean can you imagine that! For youngsters the obvious locations where schools, after-school clubs or parks. You may possibly meet someone from other schools if you attended a sports event or managed to go along to a weekend night at a bowling alley and so forth. Once driving became an option the net widened as it were, thus so did the opportunities to meet people.

For adults, there was college/ university, work, and the obvious nightclubs. The majority of people who went along to nightclubs were actually single or dating, it wasn't usually heard of for those in a monogamous relationship to attend these type of venues.

It was a time before smartphones, so people had to actually socialise with one another; usually, starting the night in friendship groups and slowly start to gather up enough courage to talk to someone. That in itself was no easy task and still isn't to this day; having to check around for any clues as to whether they are with anyone or have any competition. Looking to see what kind of personality they may have, by the way, they interact with their friends, trying to come up with some witty remark that will help you stand out from the rest. Once you had the courage to actually go over, it was awkward, you both knew why you were there. Usually, the women didn't make it easy for the guys, but then why should we.

Managing multiple relationships was fairly unheard of, as it was pretty much a no go. Once you actually got someone's number if you lost it, well, you would be pretty much screwed as that's the only form of contact you had for that person. No quick Facebook search to see if you can track them down.

Nothing compared to nowadays, where it's pretty much a free for all, speaking from personal experience and my own point of view, I hate the way things have gone. The way dating apps and technology has made it all too easy to pick and choose, swipe left - swipe right; have an open bar of people. It is no wonder that divorce rates have skyrocketed and relationships can't be held down, actually going out and seeking out someone to form a connection with has long gone.

The notion - If, it's broke, fix it. Has all but been forgotten. 

There is so much red-tape too, don't get me wrong, I am all for the #metoo movement and gender equality etc. But looking at it from a male point of view, I can see how it would be difficult for them to approach women these days. An innocent witty remark to try and get our attention could be taken completely out of context, which a few years ago, would have been resolved with a few words. Now has to be blown into a whole series of hashtags and woe is me posts.

Perhaps if we all took a step back from technology and took a leaf out of our elder's book, we may have a better life going forward. Though I do feel like that is something that applies to everything.

* This is a sponsored post. Please see my Disclaimer for more information.

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

Blink | Communication in the Workplace*

Communication is key to every aspect of life, these days we forget that fact. You would think with the vast ways to communicate via, text, email, phone and even good old fashioned letters that we would find the time to actually get across what we want to say and mean. Yet too often we find ourselves getting frustrated with the lack of connection between people we have to deal with on a daily basis, simply because we can't muster the strength to find common ground. 

I used to have a work colleague that I had perfect communication skills with, we had the perfect balance of fun and professional banter as it were. Sharing our love of Marvel/ DC comics and incorporating that into our daily conversations, made our workload that much easier to deal with. 

Of course, having code names for one another and certain other people; is something that you can only do with like-minded people, however, I found it to be a much more relaxed environment to work in. Even when there was a deadline with little time to get the work done, we still managed to have a good laugh whilst achieving the clients' needs. 

We used to email one another with instructions from Jarvis (Iron-Man's AI), who would then go on to say how well his master was and whether I was doing well, me being Romanov (Black Widow). Hence, where Romanovs Views came from! IT was also pretty good for discussing unpleasant things where inevitably you have colleagues you do not necessarily get on with, so creating these code names allowed us to confidentially talk about our struggles in a confidential manner without hurting anyone's feelings or our own for that matter. 

New Employee Apps like Blink, that allow colleagues to connect in a light and fun manner; whilst also being involved in the organisations structure, fosters a friendlier environment which in turn brings productivity to the company as a whole. After all, happy employees = happy life = more willing to do better and more at work for the company. 

A bad leader can take good staff and destroy it, causing the best employees to jump ship, thus leaving the remainder to lose all motivation. A little communication can go such a long way, no matter how busy you are - say it. If you are upset or unsure - express it and ask. Running late.. let people know. Good communication is the most important aspect in life, it guides us to a more educated and thoughtful place. We are all different and come to conclusions from different angles, although we generally all want the same outcome and goals. We often forget that its the conversation that gets us there. 

* This is a brand collaboration. Please see my Disclaimer for more information.

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

#Love Tropic

Since joining the #lovetropic band wagon and trying to go green with my skincare, I have to say that I have seen a major improvement. This review has been a long time coming, given that the Super Greens & Pure Lagoon bottles below are actually my second lot; you can be assured that I honestly am 100% telling the truth about how amazing this dynamic duo are. 

If you have an ambassador near you I would highly recommend getting your hands on the Deluxe Skincare Kit, it may seem like a hefty amount of money at first (£98.00), however, when you break down how much these two bottles are on their own.. well it's a deal not to be missed! Each of these is priced at £42.00, together you have already made back £84.00; that's not including everything else you get in the kit. (Skin Cleanser, Skin Feast, Bamboo Cloth and a choice of a face mask). 

The Pure Lagoon serum, works wonders at preventing and banishing blemishes; I have even recently recommended it to a friend who suffers from chronic acne, after she trialed this treatment for a weekend and saw instant results. If I get any breakouts or just feel a little extra oily, the pure lagoon sorts it out instantly. Giving me clear skin within a day or two. 

Followed by Super Greens oil, which boosts your skins natural defences and helps to calm sensitive irritated skin, alongside repairing essential moisture. You are left with a more youthful and glowing complexion.  I use this oil everyday, even before applying primer, and never have any issues with my make-up staying in place. As long as you allow it to soak in properly before applying any additional layers, you are good to go. 

After loving their initial skincare collection, the arrival of the Eye Bright collection had me in awe. Having always suffered from extreme dark circles and more often that not puffiness, mostly due to lack of sleep or stress. I had to give these a try, after reading a few reviews about how they had transformed older women's lives and made their under eyes tighter and brighter, I was a little sceptical. Usually these products don't actually work, they don't make your dark circles fade or the puffiness go away, but I have to eat my words, because low and behold these little wonders have done it! After using these for the past two weeks, religiously, my dark circles have all but gone away and the my under eye surface is pretty much flat!

If you want to know more about other Tropic goodies I have reviewed and LOVED!!!! Head over to my Tropic Skincare Haul Post, where you will find the Smoothing Cleanser and Face Smooth, along with a few other essentials. 

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

April 2019 Lookback - With a Twist

So with these posts, I usually write about the things I have done and what I hope to do in the following month. The thing is April was amazing in some respects but overall for me due to the sheer lack of respect for humankind I have come away with this dark cloud hanging over me that I just cannot shake. 

It's funny how we review the way people have brought up kids these days and how we should bring back smacking and tougher parenting. That, these are the reasons for no respect, the way people are going around treating one another, the thing is how does it explain the behavior of the older generation? The ones with the views that the behaviour of the younger is acceptable, is justifiable and carry on treating people with such low moral standards that I wouldn't even trust them with my pet fly. (For the record no I do not have a pet fly, but if I DID you get the point). 

I suppose if you hadn't already guessed, I have had a month of horrible treatment, purely due to the fact that another's views and opinions are gospel. Continually shrouding me in darkness with their actions based on their interpretation of me. With not so much as an acknowledgment to the fact that a once bubbly, animated and driven person has now turned into this quiet, shy and subdued character; too scared to say anything that may provoke the red mist from entering her carefully crafted safety zone. 

People too often forget that the person they are too promptly judging is someone with feelings and emotions. That they have views and opinions too, that sure may not match your own, but hey why does that mean to say that you don't have to get along; that they are definitely a seriously bad person? 

Some of us do have walls as high as that at the Night's Watch, but did you ever wonder what it's there for? 

It's all too easy to pre-judge someone because they were too quiet or walk with their head tall, but they generally do their best to make every effort to engage in conversation and obsessively think about every word and sound that comes out of their mouth; because they know their not great with how they can come across. Then why not just take them at what they are trying to show you if someone does not trust that you are open to the idea of who they are; then how will they ever be able to show that? The more and more you suppress the more and more you miss out.

I find myself constantly repeating myself and wonder whether I should just record this, but, everyone has shit going on, we all have off days and don't want to share it all. That does not mean that we can go around treating one another with such disrespect that we lose it for ourselves too; so you can see how this notion that respect should be earnt straight off the bat is just redonkulous. 

I am not saying that respect never has to be earned, but that should only be in cases where it has been lost due to serious disrespect. This post represents everything I believe and have been trying to get across so well, Responsibility 

If there is one thing I would like for others to get from this and bring forward is to remember to respect each other, even the ones you DON'T like. We don't have to be friends, but if we have to be in one another's lives, why not make it amicable and pleasant. 

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

Hitting a Blogging Slump..

Every Blogger goes through a stage of writer's block and just a general slump.... having not written in nearly a month!!! I can certainly say I have hit that point and know that I have hit it in my work life too, however, now I am on the right track to sorting that out and getting things back on the road to fulfilment I can start to free up some head space for writing again. Well that's the plan anyway.

It's all well and good saying you will go ahead and write, getting back to the keyboard and hovering your fingers over the keys. The thing is it's not so easy to actually come up with anything to say.. or anything worthwhile to say that people actually want to read about. that will keep you lot engaged.

I can't talk about my career at present due to conflict and well I don't want to risk anything at this present moment in time, so you will just have to wait for that, but I can say I am sick and tired of the Industry as a whole. The male dominated aspect and the general mindset that has been ingrained into their heads will not change for many more years, it's sad and very backwards in this day and age, but it's true.

I suppose part of the reason I have been in a slump is because I can't talk about why I am in a slump, why I am in a bad place. I like to be open and talk about my mental health journey, get it off my chest and help others who may be in similar situation, so they can see there is a way forward. The thing is when there are legislations and acts that force us to be quite these days it can be very difficult to know where to draw the line.

Onto kind of happier things, I have managed to keep my Squish around now for 2 months.. somehow he hasn't gotten sick of my mental outbursts or weird ways.. After discussions with my family we even remembered something big in our family! The number 23!! Our first date was on the 23rd.. and for my Grandad the number 23 always came up in big events.. honestly and it has even followed down to his children and apparently to me now..

For example he was born on the 23rd, died on the 23rd, was married on the 23rd.. my Step-Dad was born on the 23rd.. I got a call for an interview for my apprenticeship (which landed me my current career) the day my Grandad died! It's freaky.. I am not stuperstitious (yes I know it's spelt wrong), but I do believe in coincidence and fate.

It's great to have such a supportive group of people around me, even being able to call on my code word for when I am really low and having my Mum pull through for me was excellent. I only wish that everyone within that group would recognise that it's not all about taking, sometimes giving and listening are a two way street. Especially given the hand I have been dealt, I know my worth.

Jeans: H&M
Boots: Muck Boot UK
Gilet: Primark
Short Jumper: H&M
Bracelet: FriendshipCollar

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.